Allister Reynolds

In the dark

2011-10-06T01:05:00.002-05:00

She was alone

walking from the dock to the water

and i was standing, arms crossed

lips sealed

brushing leaves and spiderwebs from my hair

i was standing there

with wander and wonder and fate in my head

and although i was living, breathing, i was dead to the earth

i was just another soul searching

learching

leaching

pining for rebirth

arent we all?

Oh arent we all?

and when we fall, we fall

all and all down to the fallen sticks and leaves

and tricks and trickery

Her beauty was sickening

as she stopped and stepped and jumped and leaped from the dock

and in shock,

to my amaze

she walked the water

Skyline

2011-09-22T12:48:00.002-05:00

There was a time when you were my muse

and i would use and abuse you

but now i'm locked up tight

and i dont want to lose you

because i let the truth fall out my lips

and i told you all i felt

but my feelings change so much

and so damn often

that when i knelt and belted out my tongue

i sure as hell was wrong you're not the only one

straighten up the picture

there's a girl there in new york city

waiting

2011-08-29T00:16:00.001-05:00

hands and feet

demands meet

and my heart skips a beat

pink drinks and a taste for adventure

she wasn't the one and i knew it

Breath

2011-08-22T22:50:00.002-05:00

The mountains called our name

so we went

and the ocean tides all came in

so we wept

and slept in each others arms

the sky was good at saying goodbye

and the seas were well at keeping wet our knees

so please

please

be my disease

i couldn't breathe

without a cigarette that night

and every time i tried to make it right

i only walked away

i had nothing to say

and she didn't say a thing either

but its what she didn't say she said

and i believe her

we kept our secrets in our chest

and i kept my questions to themselves

but we were nothing

Wish

2011-08-22T22:46:00.003-05:00

You kept me under your arms

and held me close to your skin

all i wanted was to escape

and let myself free

but you were there

holding me

what was i supposed to be?

who was i supposed to be?

so i walked around my small town

and i found me a friend

i found me somebody

that i could rely

and i found me a new love

that i could keep up all night

but my words changed

so colorless and strange

my speech shifted

and it wasnt what you wished ed

Kisses

2011-08-22T22:44:00.002-05:00

You were there

and i should be sleeping

i should have been sleeping, weeping

and keeping faith

I was a waste

all i wanted was a taste of enlightenment

but you heightened it

and i was frightened by it

i was too afraid to try it

but you kept me up all night

and all i wanted was a kiss

guardians

2011-06-20T16:41:00.004-05:00

you made me feel tall and that was all that i could see you for

so i broke and i cried and i died enough for two that day

way home, so cold, so gone. As you know now so alone

if the chance was never made and i could have saved you from the pain

who am i? a man with only plans and aspirations

i've got intentions to leave before i remain

i've got your soft skin to climb and kiss

feet step the pavement patio, earth

you dragged me behind. i was left to the wind questioning worth

the first kiss worthless compared to the last one

tears and pinched cheeks i was weak and thinking of the weekend

night pulled the nightcap up. stars and cars and drinks and drug

we were in the middle we were making love

that's when you left for the Midwest

and i was left to my knees dreaming

reeling, revealing the road

it was cold, i didn't care

i just watched your hair, golden soft and blowing in the wind

i've got intentions to leave before i remain

i've got your soft skin to climb and kiss

English

2011-05-29T13:56:00.003-05:00

You've had a bit to drink

and i know you have

because that's not the way you laugh....

your character is nervous

and i can see it in your eyes

you are too

me,

drink in hand

conversations

covering demand

and i cant find words like i planned

and laugh away your past

and i'll laugh away mine

if only you can give me time

to search for words

2011-05-23T19:07:00.002-05:00

we were little kids

wrapped up in apartment beds

and we didn't know a thing

i didn't hear a word you said

and we were Eskimos

building homes out of snow

and i couldn't bring you home

to my parents home

you were fast asleep

you were rolling in the sheets

and i was out all night

tryna find the words to speak

but that was years ago

and i still have a lot to go

oh so many things to know

about you

windows and walls and alcohol

2011-05-21T20:30:00.002-05:00

the truth is

you were useless

and i was too

when i met you

oh how we all have problems

but me, mine, ive never stopped them as well as you have

because counseling and censorship

usually sinks ships

and i dont know how well it worked with you....

there you stood in the window-serve

and i didnt recognize you at first

but remember

just because i dont remember your name

or number, profession, or other

it doesnt mean that i dont remember your skin

wrapped up in the soft covers of another persons bed

and just because i dont remember the words you said

doesnt mean that i dont remember the way you had said them

and let them

fall of your lips

it doesnt mean that i dont remember your kiss

or your hips

or how it felt as my hands slide up the slip on your hip

but that was it

only one night

and it didnt feel right so i let it go

but now im here, standing drunk in a bar

and im too damn nervous to look you in the eye

and im too damn shy to even try to formulate words

im thinking about you so much it fucking hurts

and whats worst

is that i cant even remember your last name

let alone your first

butt, i saw you look back.

Grown ups

2011-05-14T01:47:00.003-05:00

So, I didn't turn out to be

what you expected of me

woe is me

woefully

and hopefully

i can be

turn out to be

better

all i wanted was a chance

because i knew that i'd grow up

just by happenstance

just like my father

and i knew that

i'd be childish

and i knew that

i'd be gone

and i know where your coming from

and i know just why your leaving

i'm only putting the blame on you.

untrue.

for real

believe me.

if i could be anybody else

then i would be

and if you can keep yourself

you should be there keeping

but by all means

don't listen to me

i'm an unhealthy mess

Money

2011-05-14T00:44:00.002-05:00

When it came on down

to the finish

i sat and i waited for the sun

And when finally

when finally

i couldn't take it any longer

i couldn't bear to be stronger

i watched, but slept through the moon

but that,

that was June, and this is December

and now, i remember

what it feels like to be tender

Casual sex

2011-05-09T15:13:00.003-05:00

and then, there were nights at the bar

blue and red ribbons hang

Idea #8

2011-05-05T20:24:00.003-05:00

Feature for a camera.

Overlay shooting mode, so you can take a very similar picture to one that you took previously.

With controls to adjust the amount of overlay.

Useful for time lapse, stop motion, and other similar applications.

Possibly the same feature for video.

Daddy issues (A short interpretation of a dream)

2011-01-22T14:48:00.001-05:00

(excuse spelling, punctuation and grammaticality errors... I just needed to write it down and get it out)

It always starts with me. I am driving my jeep Cherokee through a rural area. I am driving up to a house in the backyard of a house. For some reason, I have this feeling like I know exactly what I am doing there. And every time I dream, I am still not sure of WHY EXACTLY I am there....

But either way.... I pull up to this house in the backyard of a house. this house is a smaller guest house, or possibly when it was built for workers on the surrounding farm.

The countryside is sprawling and wet. There are fields in every direction. Typical for farm-country midwest.

The larger house sits atop a small hill, there is a gravel driveway leading from the highway to the house. While the smaller house sits down lower near the creek. It is a tingey reddish color and there is a two track dirt driveway that leads to the front door that the tenants must not use much at all. It has grown over in spots with waist high tall grass.

for some reason... I am already there. My jeep Cherokee is parked in the tall grass two-track driveway with the driver's side door open. I am inside the house, holding a blue knitted blanket when I hear a car pull in the driveway.

I feel captured. I feel like this leads to the end of the line.

I step outside, still holding the blue blanket. and immediately connect eyes with the people in the driveway. They are typical redneck types.

The man was alerted the instant he saw my jeep parked in the driveway and the back door to his rust colored shack open.

I lock eyes with him for what feels like an eternity. he is holding a shotgun standing just outside of his 1985 wood paneled station wagon. I am holding a blue afghan walking out of the backdoor of his house.

I know that I have to make a move. I know that I am caught. I know that this man is pissed off and white trash. two not -very-good things. and even worse when they are together. a volatile combination. And just as quickly as the feeling of fright came to me, I had a feeling that I knew exactly what to do.

I shouted to him "geez, it took me forever, but I finally found it!" and I walked slowly and knowingly towards him. this confused him just enough to relax with the shotgun and it brought me a bit closer to the open door of my jeep.

when the moment was right I threw the blanket in the jeep and jumped in as fast as possible. The jeep, keys in ignition, started instantaneously and I threw it in reverse to go back up the driveway.

The wheels though, were turned the wrong way and the reversing only almost put me off of a steep bank and into the river. I put the jeep in drive and I drove towards the house.

I was now driving right at a poor man wielding and shooting at me with a shotgun. at the last moment he jumps out of the way and I turn left just in front of the house.

My jeep is slicing through the tall grasses and crops of whatever-the-fuck it is that is in these fields.

I'm driving towards a flat place in the creek. a place where it's not a steep ravine. And of course, out of nowhere are two other vehicles slicing across the field in my direction. and the station wagon tailing behind them.

all I can do is hope that I can drive across the creek. at this speed, I'm pretty sure that I'll either make it, or something will break and I'll get shot and run over.

worst case scenario.

and up ahead are two more vehicles headed at me. One has cut on an angle across the adjacent field and is headed exactly for the portion of creek that I am. and I can tell that we will hit that point at exactly the same time.

I jam on the gas to hopefully beat the oncoming car to the creek.

sure enough, I make it by a hair. and the oncoming car slides out in the river fortunately blocking my trailing vehicles.

There was only one vehicle now, headed across the field at me. doable.

with little effort, I outfox the remaining truck and slide onto the paved highway.

The highway is a typical midwest highway. Straight as hell with power lines running straight as hell along the side of it.

The sky is blue, the crops are green, and I am being chased across the countryside by a gang of rednecks who all seemed to mobilize with swat-team speed.. just because I took some blue blanket from a house.

and I don't know how I got here

I'm traveling as fast as I can to "I don't know where" and everybody that I pass seems to have a grudge against me. they seem to know me.

I notice that I am being trailed by a few pickup trucks. I turn sharply to the left on a road that apparently goes though some lame-ass midwest town. The redneck pickup trucks are definitely faster than my jeep. they catch up to me just as we race through town, they surround me and start shooting.

typical car chase scene, only dirtier. When I hit a big road bump of a man.

One of the rednecks had fallen out of the passenger side of the truck in front of me. He was hanging out the door, shooting back at me when he hit the shitty red-neck door latch and fell out.

Great. now I just ran-over Hoss.

now, I have stolen a blue afghan blanket from a shitty red shack and then I ran over Hoss.

the truck that was in front of me falls back to check on tire-track Hoss, but it just made the truck behind me more aggressive.

with a bit of dumb luck and innate know-how I take a right down a smaller town road.

there is a lake up ahead I know.

I speed into the parking lot of the restaurant and hit my brakes

The truck following me does the same, but slides out of control through a wooden fence and down into the lake below.

with the hope that nobody notices, I jump from the jeep and run around back of the restaurant.

There is a patio around back and I just hide in a corner against the wall.

There are about five other people on the patio. They all take notice to me. They all see that I am hiding from something. They all sense that I am the bad guy. obviously... I am the out-of-towner. who just ran over Hoss and forced Jim and pat to drive their diesel into the lake below.

The only thing I can think to do is put my index finger up to my lips and make the international symbol for "shuush"

Everybody from the dining room of the restaurant is getting out if their seats and filing out of the side door to view the truck in the lake.

As the diners on the patio all stare at me confused.... I assess my situation.

I have no clue why I was in that house stealing that blanket. I have no clue where I am. I have no clue why these people are chasing me like it's some sort of fucking action flick. And.... if I wasn't before... now I am definitely a murderer.

I don't even know my name. I don't even know what I am wearing.

the realization kicks in that I am in a dream.

I have had this dream before.

I have been in this exact situation before.

The smaller bald man in the corner is going to make a move and capture me.

There is a picture of me on the door.

There will be a beautiful woman

She is going to shoot me with a shotgun.

This is how I die.

I have had this dream before.

and sure enough, the bald man in the corner is rising out of his chair in slow motion. I look to the door and sure enough, there is a picture of me on the door. Apparently I am a serial killer. Damn.

I look around the patio and everybody knows me . They already pieced it together. I was the last damn person to figure this out. Shit, they already made flyers.

no wonder they were swat team rednecks.

and just like that. regular motion.

I barely have time to react. The small bald man grabs me and puts me in some sort of weird arm hold. He is muscular.... small dick complex I presume.

But oddly enough, he mentions that it's his first time actually having to use this sort of weird arm hold.

I know what happens next. He twists my arm and brings me to my knees and hands me over to the beautiful woman.

but... I try to change the future. I bend down and headbut the small-dicked man and manage to free up an arm. I reach over his head and punch him in the kidney to escape his grasp.

I turn to run towards the stairs.... and there she is.

Fucking hot.

My type of girl too... Brunette, smart, and unmanageable.

I'm so taken aback by her beauty that I almost gave up when she grabbed me. I barely even fought back. I was happy being dominated by such a goddess.

but, shit, I don't want to get shot by a shotgun.

I know what happens next. I am on my knees, she kicks me to the grey patio wood floor, grabs a shotgun from the redneck who walks up the stairs and shoots me in the back of the head. destined to live the rest of her life hunting down guys like me just to take revenge for her father's actions. She is a torn woman I can tell, she has taken this job and does it very well. she has made it her life to hunt guys like me. To seduce guys like me.

Her father was just like me. he was the "Winnebago" killer, I watched a history channel documentary on him a while back. He traveled with her the whole time he was killing. Her name is "Angela" She was only like 8 years old at the time of his capture, but she met every single woman that her father killed. He used Angela as a mask to cover his true nature. He never harmed her, but used her as a pawn the entire time. They would go to the park and play on the swing set together. They would stop and get ice-cream together. they traveled the country together. The "single father routine" Her dad would pick up a nice girlfriend along the way. a potential candidate for "new mom". but they never worked out. They all met their end at the tip of his kitchen knife.

Angela's mom had died during child birth, and none of the women her father found turned out to be as good as his wife.

none.

not a single one.

Angela had punched me in the unsuspecting neck and brought me to my unsuspecting knees.

This is how it happens.... I actually didn't change the future.

This is how I die.

the redneck with the shotgun will be walking up the stairs any nanosecond now.

I need to act.

She has my arms held in some sort of full nelson business, so there's not much I can do.

So I say, " I know you Angela" and manage to stand up and throw her 135pounds of sexy/misguided/conflictedness over my head and on to the grey patio wood where I had died so many times before.

and I say, "and this is the shotgun that you kill me with Angela" as I grab the shot gun from the approaching redneck.

I hold the gun to the back of her head.

the barrel reaches down through her shiny dark hair and touches her neck.

The cold steel alloy. The Kitchen knife.

I can feel her breathe. She takes one of those breaths that you take after you cry. The stuttering end of crying breaths, to the normal deep, fluid, breaths. One deep inhale and one shuttering exhale.

She was just as conflicted of a person as me. She was ready and willing to let me end her inner battle that she fought with day in and day out. The nerves that kept her up at night. All the addictions of her youth. The memories of her father. The eyes of every single woman he murdered. The mother's touch that she never felt.

But I couldn't do it. I might have been a serial killer in some dream world somewhere, but I sure as hell couldn't bring myself to kill the only person who is just as conflicted as myself. The only person who could potentially understand me.

I turn her over and kneel over her body.

We connect eyes.

she is staring at me with fire. She reaches up, grabs my shirt and pulls our chests together.

she kisses me with fucking passion. Not like a little bit of passion, but a while lot of fucking passion.

Meanwhile, the crowd of rednecks and smalldicks stand in awe as the hot F.B.I. chick and the serial killer practically fuck on the grey patio wood . She whispers in my ear. "I found you.... daddy"

Made

2011-01-17T03:30:00.003-05:00

we grew up with lights around

we started early and our fights we found

we were all alone

i was a liar

true.

i'm on fire

stop breathing so much

you'll only make it worse

you'll only lead yourself closer and closer

to the inevitable

don't give up now

we'll fight

we can fight

tonight

because it doesn't seem so crafty

when all the doors are drafty

with leaky swollen seams

fragments from the dreams

you drempt all night

it just isn't worth the fight

and it surely isn't worth

figuring out the wrong from right.

right?

Learning Leaning Yearning

2011-01-16T11:48:00.010-05:00

Where did all the money go

and where did you take the television?

that i carried up the stairs

because ive been repairing

and reconstructing

the whole time

and god damn

god damn

im not ready

and i wasn't

In a year or so

she'll call me back

and we'll start this whole thing over

maybe when i'm sober

maybe when im older

and can understand the colder shoulder

i can wake her up and roll her over

In a year or so

i'll return the favor

and we'll learn from the mistakes

what it takes

when it breaks

and what it feels like when its fake

so i can hold her when she wakes

it only took a week

to dirty up the sheets

it only took a month to

decorate

the place

restless restless heart

race

you're too tall for your own good

you're too awkward to keep friends

as we've learned it always ends

and you're stuck with yourself

till the day is done

don't we just think it's perfect?

don't we just think it's beautiful

when everything falls apart?

isn't it a change of tides

and emotions

lives and oceans?

the hardest part

is learning from it

your twenty third. and plane tickets.

2010-12-14T12:50:00.012-05:00

wow, this is so high-school

i remember your twenty-third
from pictures and stories
i remember your friends
from phone calls and walls
i remember our love
in text and speech
i remember the reach
and the beach
mostly, i remember
not remembering
anything
mostly i remember short spurt encounters
and long plane rides
i remember romantic kisses at airports
and long drives home
i remember mixed drinks and sex
i remember short circuit
explosions
of our relationship

i remember pain
and grief
and anger
i remember digesting my heart
in the pit of my stomach

keeping with the theme,
i remember when we tried to make it work
and we only made it worse
all of my best intentions
..wasted on a girl i loved
but hardly knew
you
all my best intentions
i remember
were wasted on you

and now
how
my clouded emotions
and my skewed idea of what a love should be
rapid-fire
with plane rides
and mudslides
in between
never would have worked

vacation love and breast
beating heart from chest

but, i get it
it hurts
and i'll move on

i think

Continue-em

2010-12-01T23:20:00.003-05:00

i wish this day would never end
just one cold, cool day continuum

and the water never stops it's cycle
the river cant stop it's run
and if i cant be your bedside baby
i hope your having fun

because they painted on the walls,
the people before
and you left it up
for the artistic inspiration
but, while you took vacation
i was wading, waiting in the water
a hole in my shoe, sinking

what was i thinking
keeping my hands on hold?
where was my head
when the years passed by in fold...
when the days, all flutters and frays,
turned out in ways
i never expected,
when we were who we were
and didn't know it
when i was missing pieces
and didn't show it
when i couldn't make you happy?

Hilariest

2010-11-30T15:35:00.001-05:00

New word: "Hilariest"
Meaning: Most hilarious, funniest.
"That was the hilariest thing I've seen all year!"

Hillary

2010-11-30T10:16:00.002-05:00

You grew up,
got skinny and pale
and moved to the city where dreams never fail

Lighter, colder, brighter

2010-11-27T14:08:00.003-05:00

We took a bottle and a lantern to town
but when the morning rolled
i took my cold hands and lifted
you from the ground

yea, we were lovers
we were sad excuses for lovers
because the covers
only cover
one or the other

three years later we moved
still cold from my bones to shoes
and i, reluctantly, let you chose
one or the other
you chose the other

i cant help but remember you
there
pale white skin
and light brown hair,
brighter from the lantern
and lighter with dye
with a look in your eye
and a shake in your palm

If i could make it work i would

Idea #7

2010-11-16T11:24:00.003-05:00

Zombie bee video game called "ZomBee"
Your hive is infected, destroy other bees.

Idea #6

2010-11-12T04:44:00.000-05:00

Light meter that tests eye pupil diameter

Idea #5

2010-11-12T04:43:00.001-05:00

Speed bump removal service

Heart beats and feets

2010-11-09T04:03:00.003-05:00

I walked in on the final set of the night
they were on stage, singing
and i was feeling alright
i was feeling like a dream had passed
and i awoke
tired and happy and alone

she was at home
curled in pillows and slumber

with each step i took
and each phone call i made
my cynical mind set me straight
and awake

finally
i caught a glimpse
through light
and glow
and night
blur and soft focus
grease
and lens and rain
and the pain in my heart
kept it beating
for the sake of
well
i have no idea

maybe kayaks in summer
maybe autumn drives
maybe sand and water and laughter

maybe toes and wine and kiss
maybe this

maybe heart
and ache
and beat
maybe hands and feet

maybe ice cold kiss
maybe longing
lawn mowers and pine

maybe flowers
hot showers
and the hours that fly like seconds
maybe the minutes that pass like days
maybe haze, fog, mist
maybe 32 year old mistress

maybe lust
held back by dust
maybe sex
held back by cheques

maybe dogs
and cats
and outside bats
flying down the chimney

maybe talks that open souls
maybe newborn babies
maybe long walks in the woods
maybe goods

maybe it was for nothing at all
maybe i should fall,
face down
flat to the pavements breast
and take rest
arrest
to the chest.

i always loved smiles
i always loved leaves
swinging in the trees
and branches hanging low
weighted with snow

it's true

2010-11-04T00:38:00.000-05:00

I make this shit up as i go

shorty shorty and a forty

2010-11-04T00:19:00.005-05:00

dark hair
already there

eyes like diamonds
cliche'
i know
but there
also

go
hands and smile and lips
go
she was put together
well put together
to hide from the weather
with nose in a book
but, i know,
i know
she gave me a look

but me, six foot two
cynical
hypocritical

wanting the best for the future
while asking for the past
waiting for the feature
frame
and video

the sun burst
or bursted?
the sky got worse
or worsed?

backpacked grad
versus
verses?

Sunshine

2010-11-04T00:11:00.002-05:00

The summer felt like wind in my hair
a warm breeze that was always there
the summer felt like branches on the trees
swinging
as you brought me to my knees singing

i don't know what you taught me that day
i'm not sure what i learned
more than
falling deeper into earth
and grass
and blanket smooth

you used me
and i accepted the advance
id return the favor
if only i'd had the chance
if only i was asked to dance

but the moment passed
the moment, over
the hangover
over

with greens and blues
and shoes
i paid my dues
and kept the clues
but, i'm sure
love..... comes in ones and twos

Kettles and stinging nettles

2010-10-19T01:03:00.001-05:00

Well, the pot called the kettle black
but the kettle called the pot back
for a second date.

Charles

2010-10-11T00:26:00.001-05:00

I walked inside... and all I could hear was classical music
all i could see was hazy and spotted
from the outside sun
from the daytime slumber that is two-o-clock

nobody listens to classical music anymore.
nobody.
really.
nobody.
we are so far away from it's prime
the genre itself has been so narrowed

just as classic rock can be narrowed down to five artists
classical music can be described by one
i am not sure which one, but i don't care
i don't listen to classical music anyway.

she was there,
laying

i was here (as i always am)
halfway blind (not always)

***

There is this thing about women
When they are laying down, halfway to all the way naked...
they are more attractive
this applies even more-so when you are halfway blind

****

outside the window
I see light and dark
I see trees
and rain
and wind

i feel birds, cowering in branches
i smell grass, drinking
i see the moon, restlessly spinning in the sky

and i see Charles, the springer spaniel, sleeping in his oversized pillow

What is was

2010-10-10T23:08:00.002-05:00

you had the greatest voice,
i had the highest fever.
you were a red haired beauty
with a knack for drinking
i was thinking
as i always do

it wasn't me, it wasn't you
and it wasn't the cold cold windy city
it wasn't the fall or the rain
or the gutters
or the cars

it wasn't the lake
or the highway
or the bridges crossing over
and it couldn't be the animals in their cages
and it couldn't be the people in their places
because it wasn't
holding hands
it wasn't three second love
it wasn't white teeth and kisses
it wasn't golden hands and wrists swinging
or necklaces
swinging
don't tell me
it was the sky
or the night
or the clear breeze blowing

it was caught up in the moment
caught all up in the moment and knowing,
knowing
it wouldn't work

Glass

2010-09-25T18:19:00.002-05:00

It wasn't the soft light
or the shadow
it wasn't the horse or the saddle
when i looked
and said" whats the matter?"
she couldn't hold back the shatter

Hunger wonder

2010-09-15T00:34:00.003-05:00

When i went to meet the maker
he was looking down at earth
with a fork and salt shaker
he was laughing with the taker
and i wasn't afraid at all

then i understood

but still
i wasn't filled
and still i asked questions
i asked
"why do you figure?"
"why do you reckon?"
"do you come when we beckon?"

then i understood

he was so not amused
at my humor and my views
he was surely not used
to my questions. He refused.
I stood true
"but you listen to the pews
and I assume you read all the news
aside from the bad movie reviews.... we pick and chose
oh, how we pick and chose
how can you let this get away
so out of hand
you sit, and drink
and play cards all day
and do not what we demand?
Don't you know the plan?"

"well", he replied
without a tear welled in his eye
"why would i make you if i didn't want to take you?
Why would I wait if there wasn't a meal? I mean, c'mon, what's the deal?
Did you think you were fake? Do you think you are real?
You are just a sliver of rice for the table.
And we are only meeting for you to be able.
To sing me a song, or tell me a fable... so please... don't rock my cradle
I'm just hungry, where's the ladle?"

Stay still and nothing changes

2010-09-13T23:23:00.003-05:00

Things got strange
and things get weird in the presence of the devil
or a level headed friend
and shit don't work
like it supposed to was
i know i knew that it was all because
the sled broke
and the toboggan lost it's tracks
i retract
I regret to inform you
that your children are lost
out to the river fishing under sunlight kiss
oh boy boy oh boy they will be missed
oh boy oh joy
come hear this list
to tell the neighbors
that the world is safe
to tell the highschool principal that it is safe
and you can sleep and wake
without worry

go, hurry
go, go
be who you are and what you know
be what you are and how you do it
be the one
the only one
to see through it

blood on fire
we tap the wire
we break the code
and quietly, no one knows
where the voices go
or if they continue
or if they even write down their thoughts or not
their thoughts or not
i thought not
i don't think so

Apostrophe

2010-08-06T02:05:00.003-05:00

In the heat of the moment and missing
all this came from kissing
all this came from wishing
all this for her heart to stay kept

the windows and shutters
the rain in the gutters
out back, the butterfly flutters
or butters...
one or the other

and if it weren't for her brother
or her childish mother
if it weren't for her lack of a father
why bother

he was a serial lover
he was so seemingly above her
he was so amusingly rich
and kissibly kitsch

but the phone, it never dazed her
and the letters never phased her
caught up in the smudges
from the cheap eraser

well, the wishes weren't kept
and the sleeping was slept
in different beds

well, the party had left
and the garden had wept
and every single time she stepped, she stepped on a dream

but it really wasn't as hard as it seems
it really wasn't as sour as it sounds
because once she hit the ground
and found the town
she knew how to get down.

Lives

2010-08-06T01:20:00.002-05:00

It was there we met
soaking wet
with sweat and regret

it was there
we knelt and prayed
for our fears and afraids

it was there
we took hands and shook
held fists and took
our lives
with knives

I don't mind.

2010-08-05T23:29:00.004-05:00

If i were to abide
and if you would comb your hair to the side
we could recreate
reenact
that night we cried
remember that night we cried.........

for the sun and the evening
leaving
leavening
and that heaven-thing
where we're all headed
if we never get embedded
uploaded
bloated
with corrupt data
or clothing

we're loathing
every part
were lathering
and slathering
and slaughtering
our silly smiles

you said you'd find the key
i said i'd make a copy

it might be
it might not be, it might not ought be

then you poured me coffee

Names

2010-08-02T08:44:00.003-05:00

The story started with a name
and with it came
the words
and the life
and the pain

the unborn child
unripe, bitter and mild
had grown up in the woodland summers
had grown up with rivers and thunders
had lived without care
carefree as it would be
and who knew the name would be there?

but, i digress
my case i must rest
my opinion is studied and true
without the name
then no story became
and no child is born from the stew.

Moment

2010-07-09T00:17:00.001-05:00

She said she couldn't take a sip
her weary worn out heart couldn't deal with it
one more drink
would surely lead her to think thoughts of her lost past
and her worn out path she traipsed around at night
by the light of the television

the shutters shuttered darkness
and the wind chimes
chimed no wind

taken back
taken aback

we waited for a moment
and wrote it all down

Cluttered

2010-07-08T23:28:00.001-05:00

we took our chances
we took our regrets, bottled them up
and whispered
into one another's ears
as we watched the world pass by in colors and their metal lovers
but, as fate would say
as fate would have it all
we asked for a call from the preachers court
to put us in our places
to come on over
and speak to our faces
and speak
and yell
and carry their voices
across our horrible, misguided choices

as your hand brushed across my neck
as my best friend called us out
and let the worried world know our secrets
I couldn't believe
you couldn't imagine
the response that came

the pages were written
and the book was a wrote
the magazines clamored and the television cluttered our thoughts

i stood you up
and took a vow
and you said no
you said it wasn't new
and nothing's new
and everything about you was missing
while you worked out your problems
a, b, and c
remember me

Holes in the earth

2010-06-28T23:00:00.002-05:00

Nobody believes the kid
as he shuffles about their feet
nobody buys him time
bides him tide
or even skips a beat
everybody's weak
and this week
fairytales are free

straight up free for the taking
and whether in sleep or in waking
one can catch a drift or two
one can watch a catch or two

one can see time
fall apart as it rhymes
one can watch the holes in the earth emerge
avoided by the birds
but huddled by the lot
they herded by the lot

out to see the tunnels
out to see the funnels
out to eat the funnel cake

venders

they sat
and they rendered
and they wondered
and they wandered
around the empty parking lot

and picked up misplacen rocks
and pulled up their complacent socks
and wondered where the lot
had found the books of lore
never mind
nevermore
said the venders
as they thought and they rendered
as they figured they'd remember

nobody is a member
unless they pay their dues
and that's when they realized
all that they used
all that they choose
all that they left behind
as they formulated rhyme

it's not the numbers or the rhythm
or the breathing or the tongue

it's not the fingers
or the lingers
or the pauses in between

it's not the thought
or the think
or the swallow or the drink

it's the pen and the paper
its receipt and the waiter
its numbers saved for later
it's ink and feather and fader
it's linen and cloth and wader
it's mesh and sew and stitch
it's sit and think and itch
it's stand and fake and pitch

I once was a traveling salesman

Car Crashes (caused by cell phones and the like)

2010-06-28T22:52:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help but notice
the words in your teeth
the thoughts in your mouth
and the stain on your sheets

I couldn't help but see past the lies
I couldn't help but watch you roll your eyes
I couldn't help but feel emotion
when your hands made the motion
that cast off the day

away and away
went the world, went the earth
to the land of your birth
to the clever deception that lies in conception
to the curled up infant
cuddled in the sheets

but, passed out
you give off a new light
one of ambulance and night
one of cop cars and flash and blight
one of ending to begin
to be and to win

pulling hard on my tie
you whispered in my ear
believe
you unbeliever
you disbeliever......
and that is where I leave her
where I left her

Cold glass

2010-06-28T22:51:00.001-05:00

She had mirrors in her bedroom
and one on the door
and all the reflections added up to be
someone she didn't have around anymore

I asked her questions all night
but i knew that her answers, they were well thought out

i asked her where her thoughts
as she took off her blouse
and succumbed to her mouth

our hearts filled up with sweat and teeth
i said breathe baby breathe
but my words fell asleep
and fell against reflection

Decisions

2010-03-16T08:29:00.002-05:00

She didn't know about her past...
about how everything she had done will last
she didn't know that her decisions made in the blink of an eye
would affect the present
she said "I'd be more hesitant"
But the truth goes the way that it goes
and the story unfolds
any way that it knows
and she wasn't raised with morals or goals

I'm simply at loss to describe
her wasted youth
and her childish eyes
her facing the truth
through her childish eyes

"I'd have made up a table
a chart
or a graph
for each decision i'd know that would last
and every time
decisions were made
i'd blame my self then
not blame it on fate"

but it's too late

grow up

2010-01-05T00:16:00.004-05:00

It's like my brain can't translate my mind
it's like the other way around
with the brain
thinking double time
and sometime
sometimes
I still feel like i'm gunna get mine

but when so many people are bent at the steeple
and washed at the steeple
all feet stapled to the earth since birth
created just for believers
,but not for perceivers
but not for the lovers of this planet
i didn't chose to man it
i was just born here
not my fault
born here

born into your rules
into religions
intitutions
and when i offer solutions
all you give is pollition
i offer revolution
and you just change the frequency
so you dont have to hear me

but when our forefathers
and when our one father
placed this place on this earth, my mother
they made a good county
but, what if we tried again, no it couldn't be
no we couldnt see
all the problems
that arrived with democracy
all the people in the gutter arent free
all the people in the houses arent free
all the people in their cars arent free
just look at me

dressed in clothes
sold to the masses
drinking your molasses
and cheap hamburgers
believing
that the hamburgeler
is a mass murderer
and mr ronald mac
and mr donald trump
and mrs on the street
are any different
they're whores for the money
and whores for the company
you wanna be in the company of greatness
i want to break this
but, i'll tell you what
slut
i'm the new thing
and i'll tell you the truth thing
i'll tell you the true thing
the only true thing
is a birth blessed with the true thing

when fathers and mothers
stop fucking their brothers
and leaving responses to the wayside
so trapped so trapped so trapped inside
bad parenting
bad decisions
trapped inside institutions
built to coddle pathetic child bearing
child wearing
child rearing
shouldve done the rear-thing
built to shop at superstores
all superwhores
all superchore doin
all superbowl screwin
all super duper doing
all super duper fat
till the floors fall flat

sorry america
i aint scared of ya
i'm just scared of doin it right
im just scared of fueling the stupid population
that barely made it to graduation
that barely has motivation
to get off the couch
grow up america grow up.

Make this country dangerous again
make a new trail of tears begin
and I can't garantee I'll win
but, you know what,
I'll try
and I'll fight
till my last breath left
till my last left
till the last death

cant we find a new reason
to live
aside from money and power
and fucking for half an hour
scratch that
five
i just want to survive
and be alive

i dont want to live
in a place like this

mirror mirror

2010-01-02T21:47:00.003-05:00

give me the keys to the car
and the money for dinner
you sinner
with scratches and pockmarks on

i took the last step
and in turn you took the first
i took the best
which turned to be worst
it took a turn for the worse

set to the setting sun
we began
we've begun
to begin again
back to the moon
which always comes too soon

questions
phrased in memories
and phases
I couldnt erase this if i tried
even if i cried
and let everything all out
i dont doubt
that you doubted
that i was the one who shouted

and you were the one who screamed
and still screams
in my dreams

Mystery Shoebox

2009-12-07T14:45:00.004-05:00

She lives in a box
tied up
and packed away
under my bed

she only comes out on holidays
and rainy days
when the weather is just right
or late at night

i'm always drinking
i'm always drunk
i cant hold my hands together
and i cant keep my brain
from
attempting to figure itself out

but with thought comes
distinction
with hurt comes
mistakes and
when the time comes around
again
to lift her up and out

I find her dusty
aged
just plain staged
I find her
bent on the corners
and printed
discolored
and tinted
from the tears
and the years
when all of our fears
and the distance
held us apart.

All caught up.

2009-12-02T13:19:00.003-05:00

I can't help that me met
and I can't help
not going anywhere yet
I'll bet
that when the clouds pass
and I am laying
open wide

you'll quit your late nights
drinking
and being afraid

I'll bet that when I can work the courage
to say what I really
am thinking

you'll stop shuttering
and holding on to everyone you meet

the city honks
and flashes
the nights
are just as cold
as the stares on the street

sentences form themselves
in everybody's heads
but you
you struggle to think

dreams and ice creams

2009-11-21T04:07:00.002-05:00

things can be exactly how they seem
we're living in our dreams
were sleeping in our beds
and fucks and fights and laughter
are spinning in our heads
and our dreams happen
not in real time
bit in instants
and the thoughts of infants
all innocent
still tumble around
on the floor
searching, scratching
expecting more.

The person you want me to be

2009-11-21T03:57:00.002-05:00

i grew up with stars
and dark and night
i was taught
right
from wrong
and i knew all along
that this song wouldn't last forever
shit, i grew up with weather
that passes,
sticks like molasses
and fades away
with friends
that come and go
and loves that fade
but a life that stayed
the same as always
the same as ever

is it better
that i am bitter?
or is it worse
that i'm the first?

Powerless against the forces of nature

2009-11-21T03:17:00.003-05:00

I saw her dancing on the street
I was watching from above
I was hoping, nearly choking
So filled with love

But, my plastic insides
were nothing to feed the need
and my bitter heart
wasn't much for taste
I'm such a waste

This disease is killing me, i cannot breathe
and only sleep can help my ills
but, it kills

I take stills
and moves
she writes
and paints
and grooves

if it weren't for the money
the self righteousness
and the fear of finding out
I'd tell the truth
what have i to lose?
dignity

will I walk all
long and lonely
or will somebody take me, knowing my flaws
and own me?

She says.

2009-11-17T00:52:00.004-05:00

Meteor showers rain reign outside
but we all stay inside and hide.
we all confide
in our televisions
in our good decisions
masturbations
radio stations
relations

and i can say
hey
that's alright

i can say
hey
believe what you want to
believe that we are all created
if that's what you need

but the seed
can't come before it's master.
the control can't come before disaster

there is an answer

hidden in infinity
of life and love and fate
wait
wait
it's too late
wait
wait
till you wake up
till you rake up the leaves of your past
and don't ask any questions

don't give any mentions
don't offer any suggestions
about questions
that you could ever answer
i am the giver
the light
the dancer

"come to me in pieces"
she says,
as she steps down the stairs

"come to me in honor,lust
and greed
it's what i need"

I find it elevating and exhilarating to discover that we live in a universe which permits the evolution of molecular machines.

2009-11-17T00:10:00.006-05:00

Nobody ever says anything; anything different anymore
we are all repeating phrases
put forth by our parents
by our predecessors
that will continue till the end of time
unless we make an attempt to change
our minds, bodies and words.
somebody invented it anyway,
anyway

why are we subject to this?
why do we speak the same languages
as our societies advance?

new words emerge
and thoughts
and memes
we try and try and try
but
everything stays as it seems

strings change
back and forth
like a bad divorce
we breathe
and process breath
we grieve and deal with death
but our minds still think the same
even if the molecules change

how do we remember
last december?
how do we grow and learn and change
as a single person, persons
if our brains are flux?
why does our knowledge grow
when our cells die?

is there dualism?
are we treated to this body
as a source of enlightenment?
or, are we trapped by our own mortality?

Find your id,
your ego, your super
and try to imagine that you are moving
not only with legs
but with words
and thoughts
and cells
we move
we move
we keep and forget
and remember, mostly, our regrets
but, these, are completely human

escape, take a break
take a minute
and question your daily
every day
day to day
question your mind
question your so called soul
and bring it to itself.
ask it where you have been
and where you are going.
ask it what it needs of you
to find out why.

Shaken

2009-11-12T00:57:00.004-05:00

come see me
come and take me there with you
down the drain
to the sink
where we felt each others hands
where we looked each other
one another
in the eyes
and our breath became
sentences

shivering cold
wrapped in warm from the water
with visions of light and the
shine and the clutter
you held me close

it was the post on the lake
the concrete
buildings
rising up to the beach
the silver flash of the tower
and the crash
on the street
and we held hands

she couldn't help her figure
trapped in my gaze
i was helpless
to the thought
of her insights
and in lights
we stopped and took photographs
of what it took
to make it work

I was shook
and shaken

Memories.

2009-11-03T10:51:00.004-05:00

Sure, I remember buying ten dollar cigarette packs
I remember cold nights and cold stacks
But, I'm not made of cold, hard cash
or gold for that matter
I'm just simple matter
that happens to fit together
and keep out the weather

A lovely lover should be there
but, a friendly friend would pack up and leave
if you left him on his knees
a heartstricken,
heartsickened
brain with eyes
walks in disguise
down paths, built, by it's forefathers
so it's no wonder
that it's bothered
when it's feet fall victim
to a nameless choreographer

Sure, i remember sex on the side
with plenty of room to hide
i remember going outside
in plain sight
in dark of night
i remember fright
and blight
and blouse

memories?
I remember your mouth
I remember your house
I remember being stuck to the red of your eyes
upside-down
Walking to town
I remember lost and found
mittens from a box
I remember hats
and socks
and forget me nots.

Black printed on silver.

2009-11-01T18:38:00.004-05:00

The fields over grew their masters
and their masters fought faster
to avoid disaster
they held their chatter
and wrote a chapter
about the time spent, wasted
on lost hopes
and misplaced plans

I called all my friends
and gave my demands
as they shook their head in regret
in shame and upset
but i wont regret
the secrets that i keep

sleep
and sleep
and sleep
and sink slowly to the fault
give the blood you lived without
give the dreams
that were your humor
and stories
give the hands that are to swim
give those toes
so when you get there
and it shows....
they wont know
just give it a go

Humanism (part deuce)

2009-10-26T00:55:00.004-05:00

When does life become
something more than a mixer?
something better an sweeter
and more like elixir?

when does this turn
from the outside
to inner
and why do we sit so politely at dinner?

why is my heart so corroded and shameful
why to my legs hurt like somebody shaved them?
where are the questions
we forgot how to answer
and why are your breasts
full of that cancer?

where are we now?
overpopulating
overcopulating
overproducing
overcompensating
just give it a rating
just give me a saving
and live this one over
because my hands are all fading

somebody creep
and come to my doorstep
somebody dream
and dream without regret
somebody kiss
the foot of your master
and hold on my hand
to the brink of disaster.

How?

2009-10-26T00:50:00.002-05:00

How do you feel remorse for the dead
knowing that hundreds of thousands of people die every day?

how do you look yourself in the eyes
never really knowing who you are?

how do you attempt to gain wealth
knowing that wealth does not matter?

how do you build a home
knowing that millions of others have done it first?

and how do you fall in love
knowing that it may fail?

Step aside

2009-10-22T22:46:00.006-05:00

I want to be there where you are
in that vacant lot
in that shiny car

i want to be there underneath your skin
all tan and warm and thin

i want the moon to come, invited,
crashing down on the rag top
i want the earth to fight back
and stop
spinning
winning
all cloudy and willing

i want to be filling
your heart with expectations
that i could never keep
i want to follow
the path
of my masters
and i want to cause disaster
faster
and faster

i want the letters to turn to words
and the words
to turn to sentences
i want the phrases in places that we can rub our faces in
i want it to start
and start again
i wish for the sun to come
full circle
and stop

it's far i know
but if my wants and wishes
were plates and dishes
then every thing i say
would be washed away
in the dirty water
that is mother
that is father
in the soapy grime
that is here
that is time
and i would like you to hold my hand through it all
i want to make a wish
and i want to make it all
worth wishing for
i want more
and more and more
i want the shore
to come
creeping
scantily to the beach
and the water to my feet
do come
do here come water
and bring me fish
bring me father
who was there
do bring me mother
who cared
aside from alcohol and life
and television

do come sorrow
so i can feel grieve
so i can feel tomorrow
do come fate
and god and light
i want you to come tonight
and show me where
i am
and why i am here
where i exist
here
where i fear every touch of human kind
be kind
sleep entwined with your lover
sleep softly with each other
one another
don't hog the covers
be strong be fatal
be under
and wonder
what was this for
is there any more?

Wishes, do the dishes.

2009-10-21T22:12:00.003-05:00

i want to be where the weather is fair
where beautiful women walk in slow motion
i want to be by the ocean
i want to breathe sweet forest breeze
from the time that i wake
until i sleep

i wish that my life was better than yours
i wish that i had started in a higher
caste
if only life would last
a little bit longer
i would be right now
younger and stronger
richer
and accomplished
but, without this
who would i be?

RE: Kelly

2009-10-17T00:40:00.002-05:00

It's not like it was before, it's not like us
swinging on the swingset
hanging from the pines
and sleeping in outer space

we aren't watching the stars
we aren't hearing spoken word poetry
from out our lovers' mouths
we arent sitting at a table
winded and useless
we arent even there anymore

i dont know what brought us together
was it the thought of forgiveness
was it the night on the park bench screaming
was it the love for the paint,
spilled on the tile floor
i dont know anymore

but, me,
stuck in sweet and salty dream
stuck in a horrible horrible scene
stuck without water
or tent
or house or rent
or fashion or kind of rest
i was the best
i know i was
i know now i was
i know that your ear, pressed gently to the door
was listening to my conversation
blathering on about future intent

i want it all
i want you here
and i have no idea
what drove us apart

Editing the story.

2009-10-12T14:32:00.002-05:00

I was inside you when the ribbons fell
I was lost and alone
and secretly plotting my own demise
while you were sitting, beautiful
atop a tower of sweat and skin
I cant stop my head spinning
at a thousand miles
and i cant keep you from loving me

sure, touch and kiss
and the like
make for a damn good night
sure they make for
a shitty wake
but we do it to ourselves

the enemy in everything
the fire in the fortune
i am forever fever
and god no
and heavens no
i would never leave her
unless she caught on
unless her sundress
went up in matches

Don't think you read me
don't act like you need me
and god damn girl
don't be needy

Zodiac

2009-10-04T21:07:00.001-05:00

From the swallow’s view
Looking down on you
You took your own
And our home and
We tried
To make it ours again
Those poor ribbons didn’t fit
And the glitter held
Just like the gravel
In your teeth

She said she was sorry for the last time
Took a breath and dove under
Exposing her naked flash to the earth
But, I couldn’t bring myself to follow
I couldn’t keep the shivering
And shuttering down
Grain and river
And green
Is this where it ends? Is this
The time?

Falling, fall down
And bleed the colors of your insides
Bleed out your painting
On the countryside
Until the three day mark
When the dark
Wins
And morning comes
And wakes our sleepy bones

Mother, don’t give up on me now
Sell my soul
And barter your best
And bring the life
From the lifeless
Wake
Shake
Revive
You’re still alive.

The great indian lake.

2009-10-04T19:47:00.002-05:00

The night took us both
and we walked outside
with cloth and wig and wear
we stared at our shoes
and the blues in our hand
would ease the tension

city lights
and the great indian lake

covered in wet and soaked to the bone
i took your hand and we ran
to shelter
from winds and storm
it was courage
in a collage of water and concrete
it was fear in the skirts of the city
it was old movies
and pixels
it was life played out in fairy-tale fashion
in fragments and passion

apartments with ceilings
and pipes
and city lights
and the cold nights
like maps, directed our every step

but where to go from here?

Sub

2009-09-27T01:37:00.002-05:00

Its like we were never truly part of the scheme
as if everybody walked around
us
in a dream
and we slept the night on through
without a kiss
or a thought of you

i couldn't help but pass the time
with a story and rhyme
and your eyes
were listening
as they drifted on and off to sleep
to your subconscious
where you think and feel and weep
and keep
and hide
the truth on the inside.

Sleeping Bear

2009-09-21T23:00:00.001-05:00

We were greater than the great lakes
And I let you know
Just how much
My body takes
We awake
And find ourselves sleeping on the shore
With your mother looking out and listening
We were glistening
And rising to the top

Wind sent the trees to shake
Leaves flutter in the wake
Leaving me fighting
Just for a breath

While you lay your head low
And breathe only water
I am thinking of your mother
And her precious only daughter

What if the story was told
And stretched and askew
What if it wasn’t the islands?
What if it was me? What if it was you?
Would it still be told by few,
Believing it true?

Winds
And sand
And forest grow
But I held your fingertips
Like our final kiss
Just like your lips

First person.

2009-07-30T01:02:00.003-05:00

If anything
take me as a lesson
take me as i am
wrap me up
in linen
and keep me away

cowered under crutch
you never asked for much
and i never gave

in my first person poetry
the words switch their places
and replace
their traces
with syllables
and type

but it's all hype

green like the garden
but, brown took the flowers
and i'm stuck
watching, listening
for hours

To: Mother

2009-07-30T00:53:00.005-05:00

where were you
when my knees gave themselves out?

and where were you
when i let myself down?

standing with a crutch
and hints of a past

your beauty faded
and all along the way
you jaded
they stated

for every lesson
i learned
i grew

for every time you held me close
i couldn't help
but recognize
that you knew otherwise
and i looked right through your eyes

asking for help
you passed on the train

turning wheels
and windows

i kept to myself
and stayed outside
where the cool breeze teaches
and the warm winds whisper while i wish
for winter

2009-07-30T00:34:00.001-05:00

I know what not to say,
but
that's not to say
that i know what to say

The farmer's dream

2009-07-30T00:19:00.004-05:00

cornered in the backyard
i am alone and scared
she is standing right in front of me
and i cant help but stare

grass grows long without care
and browns like her hair

fences, rusted out
help to keep it clean
tomorrow, borrow the farmer's dream

rest,
baby,
rest

rest,
honey,
rest

taken to the church
sitting in the back row
watching files and lines
tiles
and tines
friends of mine

i cant be there for you
i could never
this is not a merry go round
i'm not coming back

oh, tilt a whirl

2009-07-11T12:55:00.000-05:00

beer for breakfast
white wine with dinner
who's the sinner
who's the winner

Hairpins at midnight.

2009-07-11T12:44:00.002-05:00

With a hat and a plan
she turned around
and whispered
and called me her man

with a knife in hand
we ran
through the tall tall summer grass
dodging fireflies and the like
oh tonight

if i could start it all over i would
if i had it to do again
would i stop this procrastination?
if i could recover the past
box it, wrap it
and cover it
i would
believe me
i would

she kept hairpins in her pockets
she kept her eyes tucked in her sockets
and my picture in her locket
that i broke
oh
what a joke
what a joke

but we never said a word
without
a
sip of alcohol.

2009-06-01T22:53:00.002-05:00

The dead
they don't know love
they only know blood and mud

Time lapse.

2009-05-26T01:22:00.002-05:00

Everything is plastic
everything here
was created for somebody else to love and consume
everything here
is just a metaphor for your feelings and aspirations

the time comes, sometimes
when you are pulled in two separate directions
the time comes, often
when you are never sure of the outcome
, but somehow
you make it through

we all breathe and scurry
and billow out smoke
all the while, thinking that we know everything
until you wake up with a hangover.....
and barely the will to live

coffee helps
and bacon.....

Pray.

2009-05-23T02:42:00.003-05:00

Are you on your knees for your master?
Are you on the floor? Awaiting disaster?
come home, come home
come on home
and hug and kiss your youth
come make friends with truth

the dark brings fury and fire
the night breeds wire and fake
you liar

and come crawling back for more
come, legs outstretched
come
arms raised
to the havens

don't let me scare you

tomorrow
brings
an
alternate
fate

and everybody else learns
humanity yearns
and churns for a better world
for a pretty girl
don't speak
don't say a word

Linear

2009-05-15T00:39:00.003-05:00

We stood in a circle, holding hands
and we let each other down

she was there too
the girl from the corner
next door
staring down at her feet
i say weep
i say sleep
and keep me in your mind

Throwing rocks in the seaside
i knelt and crept
and oh did i hide
away from the lights
and fights

but, figures
somebody followed
and wallowed
and revered in it all

the brain don't
work
in linear

my mind don't head in
any direction
my feet, pacing along
dragging
my soul-less body
along the beach

i sit
and remember
lost bits and fragments of life
which i am
happy to leave behind

although, the question consumes me
where did they go?

Fucking the man.

2009-05-07T21:05:00.007-05:00

Somebody opened a door
that could never be shut
and when the line was crossed
we simply held our gut
and choked down the circumstances

nobody suggested change
nobody suggested a difference
while women and children
were stirred and mixed
until nothing was left
all innocence
lost
and the only people who spoke a word
vanished
in a pool of blood and regret

pancakes cooked in every kitchen
every single morning

fires were extinguished
without panic or warning

not a shout or a shiver
when force-fed our liver
not a flutter or shake
as we choked down our steak
but it was fake
fake fake
all fake
when will we wake
from this slumber and sleep
midlife trauma
poisoned and meek?
ready drama?
ready fashion week?

not too long
the fight comes
when we burn the fields
and cut the tongues
off the corporations

not too long
the comeback comes
when we all take foot
and throw up our noses
throw out the hoses
and let the fire burn the kitchen

Our minds, running at different speeds. (Turning Different Gears)

2009-05-03T22:27:00.006-05:00

Here we go again,
this isn't the first drink
she'll take tonight
and sure as fuck not the last
our bodies
and would be souls
were burning for each other
but the night held us
at about fifty degrees
at about twenty paces

we waited
time and time again
we waited
for the spaceships to land

in the grass, on the streets
we held hands
prayed
and read each others' mind

but nothing happened,
nothing but a memory
of life
and what it was
and all you lost
in the car crash

tonight, i feel thousands of miles away
tonight, i feel like walking on water
tonight, i feel like nothing would ever come
if it weren't for me

but tomorrow is sure as fuck
a different story

everything is familiar
everything is bland
and blank
and gray
like the sky
like the bottom of the spaceship

every night that passes
only brings me closer to home

bra

2009-04-23T15:16:00.005-05:00

She ate without silverware
in her underwear

her underwire

holding her beauty
keeping all the sin
locking it all in
practically to her chin

Time is an illusion, feelings are a subjective interpretation of physiological changes

2009-04-23T13:07:00.004-05:00

even if i was at the end of the line
would you still be my valentine?
would you break down
and cry
at every sentence i pieced together?
would you take my hand
and walk with me
until the night came, or our feet couldn't
take anymore?

if i was the last person
you met
in life
on your deathbed, would you love me back?

i feel cursed
and accused
and wrong
only for meeting you
too soon

i feel lost
and useless
and trapped
only for being memorized
by you
too early

this could be so much more
than what it has become
if we had only waited to meet
for the first time

Billy, eat your dinner

2009-04-23T07:41:00.004-05:00

we all waited
for the giver to come

congregating in gigantic churches
with steeples and all
with big beautiful windows
for him to peer right in
but instead, he reached around the front
and pulled us out one by one

for an addition to a sand castle
for pure amusement

the giver heated up a giant pin
and melted it through our eyes
the giver pulled off heads, reattaching
them to other bodies

the giver
pulled off clothes
and toes
and hair

he stuck us in different houses
he took pictures
of people mowing lawns
of people flying planes
of people taking baths

he showed them to his mother
he showed her the destruction
and she said

pick up your toys

Spring

2009-04-20T12:19:00.003-05:00

who knows what will happen
will we grow old?
break the mold?
or fold
and do what we're told?

I tried to make it out, but the winter was cold
and froze
the whole time
waiting for my summer clothes
waiting for a breath of air that wouldn't hurt
waiting for summer shoes
and shirt
and skirt
waiting for the warm and wet kiss
of march
to march in the door
and seduce me

I couldnt take a job that year
I might have done it out of fear

cold and alone
i clung to the phone
the only giver of the warm
the only producer of charm
day after day
i fattened up
and stirred awake in bed

I couldn't wait
for the dawn to break
for a new day to come
to sun away the snow
to wash away the blow
scattered on the streets
and i wanted for the spring
for the soft sight of her tasty eyes
for the feel of her skin
for the smell
of love and life
and sexual sin

now, spring has sprung
from
the bottom rung
under soul and tongue
and all the spring green
growing underneath
was swept from under feet

There was nothing left to say

2009-04-16T23:17:00.003-05:00

we welcomed the sun
and i told you to hold my hand

you retired and gave in
you listened

the rocks below
sang their sweet melody
back
out
to the great lake
while we watched our hands grow dark
at the same time intertwined

it was something from a dream
something
mr. robert frost himself
would write
but
your skin grew cold

and i couldn't remember the recipe
to bring you back to life
no pen or quill or knife

not a vision
or sound
could bring you back
to solid ground

so i watched you float away
singing of distance and virtue
and fate
and the like

screaming out into the night

Humanity

2009-04-14T23:41:00.004-05:00

i was standing still
while the moonlight
lit
the soggy grass

i was laughing quietly
while you were
running circles

spreading love
and blood
and manure
in equal measures
about the same distance apart

to grow food
i assume

A question

2009-04-14T23:19:00.005-05:00

i am on the high wire
throwing, spitting words
and verbs
but nobody comes, not unless you tell them too
not unless you say its cool
nobody thinks for themselves
anymore
anyway

they will all, one by one, wither
into distance
out of existence
while their footprints
fossilize and become the earth

from the doorway
desperate footage reveals
an inhumane right of passage
a ritual of fate
and forgiveness
while the bum in the back alley
screams out blood and wine
and cigarettes

the dormitory window flickers with rape

the corner store shuts down

and as the attendant of your life
walks out the door
and closes shop

you think for a second
"where to now?"

He grew up watching Apollo missions.

2009-04-14T08:18:00.002-05:00

Everybody here is mediocre
i grew up to watch my peers
and friends
find comfort in absolutely nothing,
a job, a spouse, a house

the baby boomer generation
breeding mediocrity,
all they wanted
was a house and a car and a couple children
a television (large)
and a place to retire
all the while,
leading their kids nowhere
nowhere

they did not inspire
dreams and hopes
only goals and guidelines
laws and work times

it's hard to wake up
and be extraordinary
when the only thing you were ever taught
was to be mediocre

this comes to mind: American Movie

Representative Democracy

2009-04-07T20:33:00.002-05:00

Night comes and goes
in America
just the same as
everywhere else
but we hold all the wealth
and health
and keep it for our self

if your neighbor sleeps soundly
by the skin of his own teeth,
then why can't we
escape such belief?

money to the trash man
money to the trash
money to the bills
but there's not enough cash
to heal the world

not enough care
to stop the fight
only wealth
and manifested right
right?

poor America is right
and ripe
with medicated water
and preserved food
to keep your nose
preserved, upturned and rude

enough corn syrup
to flood a small continent
but we're confident
we condescend
and represent
representative democracy

Statuess

2009-04-06T11:41:00.004-05:00

She collected coins
shining each one
one by one
right before sleep

she would soak them
in groups of ten
in a milk-white liquid on the windowsill
everything happened on the windowsill
she couldn't hang a shelf
for the life
of her

the dirt and grime,
silver and nickel
sadly, ended up in her sheets
and in sleep
would make it's way to her skin

morning came
each day
every day
and lit up the cluttered sill,
all her belongings,
and her skin
grimy
with silver
and nickel and dirt

the morgue called
and wanted me
to identify
the body

they took me out to
the greenery
and dirt
and picnic tabled park
where we had met

they led me across the grass
pinned on the earth
with rusted charcoal grills

and there she stood
cold and still
in the 70 degree heat

her nickel
and copper hair
frozen, blowing
gracefully
forever

Inside your head

2009-03-31T21:19:00.003-05:00

Inside your head
bubbles form thoughts

tiny superhighways
are built in tiny endless loops

for no reason at all, commuters
of all types
race toward their decline, all so that you may think
all so that you may feel

their journey surely
has a clear
and definite end
as well as beginning

life and death

the way that they take
is predetermined
and their purpose
their collective purpose is thought

while you masturbate
to whatever it is that gets you off

while you eat whatever it may be
just to provide energy
for masturbation

New Moon

2009-03-26T11:42:00.002-05:00

I followed you to the front yard
and we wrestled amongst
the rows of crosses

we drank away the night
just like we were kids
again

night came
and i dared it
to steal you away
from me
i called out to the waning moon
overhead
but it didn't call back

your fingers lost grip
and i watched
in awe
as you trailed away
across the lake

someday
we'll meet
again
someday we'll harness both our heads
and tie down our hands
someday
when the tide comes, and pulls you from me
i'll let it take you away
and go on with you

Mandala

2009-03-19T23:03:00.003-05:00

The sun overhead
screaming out color and light and sight
the ground, from below
holding you to its
own volition
the air you breathe
being remade over
and again

it seems like what you know
you will forget
sometime
and it seems that who you are
can change
day to day
the money you make
and the people you meet
will never last forever
something will fuck up

is it just cynicism
or realism
or just the
way things are?

that we all die
and our life
moot as it may be
will weave itself
an amazing tapestry of life
of love and friends
and food
with colors abound

our life will be a mandala
of time
and instinct and pleasure
make
and remake itself
just to be destroyed
in an instant
in ritual

Dualism

2009-03-19T22:52:00.002-05:00

when the day comes faster than night
and the hours on the clock spin by and by
like the eyes in your head
when the colors come faster than print
and the powers that be
sweep you off your feet
and tomorrow brings
the new
over
and over again

its about time
we wept
and
slept
and
were swept out from our shells
but
too fucking bad, "it don't work that way"
in her accent
screaming out
too fucking bad
we are too fucking aware

does brain damage
damage your soul too?
does time grind at your immortal being
like it does the skin?
and in what appearance
do you intend to live the rest of your life?
from when you were five, with oblivion and fate at your toes?
or on the death bed with all your life gone from the heels?

really, how do you think this all works?
it makes no sense
"it dont work that way"

The American Dream

2009-02-25T15:03:00.003-05:00

What are you doing?
wake up
Go to school that you hate
and learn all the things you don't want to know
make sure to graduate
wake up
get ready for college
where you can learn more things you don't care to know
make sure to graduate
or else you wont get that job
which you will love
wake up
and go to work
that you hate
because you didn't get that job you wanted
just deal with it
buck up kid
it will come
wake up
and go to the job
that you finally got
and it's still not what you wanted
wake up
go back to school
learn about more stuff you don't care about
change your career
so you can make more money
and it will be funner
to do something different
make sure to graduate
or else you wont get that job
wake up
and go to work
Yea, this one is not much better is it?
Well, don't feel bad
you have children now
and you have something to live for
greater than yourself
now you don't have to worry about being happy
just worry about their success
hey kids
wake up
time to go to school
where you can learn about things that you don't care about
so that you can graduate
so that you can find a job that you love
so that you can discover that you don't like the job you worked so hard for
so that you can one day fuck a girl
so that you can have children
so that they can wake up
and go to school
that they hate
and learn things they don't want to know
so that they can discover that they didn't really want
what they worked so hard for.

Sleep

2009-02-24T02:45:00.003-05:00

bloody kisses on your lips
bloody hands on your hips
bloody grips
bloody slips

of tongue
of fun

im coming back
to reality now
and light
shines through
lace curtains

to wake you up

Such as life

2009-02-24T02:40:00.003-05:00

How sincerely classical
for you to think
i am what you want to be
how sincerely magical
to say
you hold your heart on sleeve
i want to breathe
to perceive

this as fate
and faith
and as a human's race

but the night come so sure
and the day comes
pure, without care
withholding cure

our distance has a way

2009-02-24T02:32:00.003-05:00

She kept me close
like the locket from her neck
she held me tight
holding the regret
holding the sex
that she forgets

i never wanted to breathe
and i didn't ask to receive
such a gift like this
such a life like this
but, heaven you exist
in letters
and sentences

i hope
the phrases all make sense
i hope the words
all in tense
breathe themselves out your heart
and settle in my skin

we will never be
better
greater
newer
then what i am today
and when the clouds
part, slowly
showing their
inverse insides
inside out

we hold hands and believe, don't we?

let me be

Spiders

2009-02-24T02:20:00.004-05:00

The world spun in circles, just like i remembered
the earth turned in orbit, just like i was taught
but,
when i woke up
i didn't know where i was
and the newspaper told me
to believe
and the honest, street walkers
yelled from the pavement
to believe

I didn't accept a word as fact
or fiction
i only heard diction
and contradiction
inflict
and infliction
influx
and fluctuation

but the guitars sang
out the night
and the sunlight
swept away the disease
the cool, regrettable, encouraging disease
i live
day in
day in
day in

Sensation

2009-02-23T00:39:00.000-05:00

All that you see
Is only a reflection of what there is to know
So free yourself, shine your lights
And open up to the real
Our senses
Can’t perceive half as much as our minds
And its time
The time we come to our heads and leave our senses behind

What happened on your trip?

2009-02-19T20:20:00.003-05:00

did you see everything that you wanted
to see
did you feel every awkward feeling that you wanted
to feel
did you touch everything that you wanted
to touch
and did it all happen at once?
will it happen again?

words form and reform,
your mouth moves
but only sight and
movement
happen

i am left in the dark
piecing together
the pieces
and creating my own story
of what happened
while i was away
while you were away
on vacation